He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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