god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
