And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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