Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize