dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
