Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
