ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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