your parents love me but you hate me
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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