Got a toothbrush?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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