Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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