Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Sober January is a disaster.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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