Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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