i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
