I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
