hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
