Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
