hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
