My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I need to stop coming to work sober
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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