hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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