this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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