1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Two words: blizzard sex
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
