dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
