we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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