Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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