i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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