The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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