Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
last night I used snow as a chaser
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
