so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
