i wish there were pregnant emoticons
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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