i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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