Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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