he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
