but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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