She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
