unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
