if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize