did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
