so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I am full of burrito and curiosity
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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