Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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