Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
