Your face is a jimmy john
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
