do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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