id be glad to
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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