Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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