just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
