the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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