Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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