I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
