I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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