Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
