I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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