I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
