i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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