The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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