You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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