Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
