My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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