you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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