she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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