I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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