I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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