Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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