just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
