Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
