I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize