Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
tell me about the eggs
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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