dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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