I hope mine doesn't look like that
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
