i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
