I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
