Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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