Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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