I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
