I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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