We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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