so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
