ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
