oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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