the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Can I color on your dick again?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
