Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
