She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
