GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
