I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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