They should really pass out barf bags in church
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You're a waste of cheezeits
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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