Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
