so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think my vagina is haunted
nutella sex= disaster
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
