First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize