i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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