if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
