I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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