2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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