Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
