The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
