omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
