so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize