I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
MIDGETS
????
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
